


Heaven’s Angel

by darkfusionx



Series: The Angel Diaries [1]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Diary, F/M, Gen, angel - Freeform, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-06
Updated: 1999-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1778641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkfusionx/pseuds/darkfusionx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angel recollects on his past with Buffy and his demons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Heaven's Angel

Journal

Sept. 1, 1999

I sit in my loft, thinking about all the things that had happened between Buffy and I. I feel wrong about my decision to leave her but then again…I loved Buffy for a long time. Even before she ever met me, I was drawn to her. Maybe I was foolish for thinking that a then fifteen-year-old girl could ever fall in love with a then two hundred and thirty-nine-year-old vampire.

I was conceived out of mere amusement. At the time I was young and very stupid. I thought I was helping a young woman, little did my stupid, arrogant self realize that I was making a big mistake. All I can say is that I was very drunk and was passing myself onto her and she took great pride in making me, a vampire. Darla, that witch…but if it wasn’t for her, I would have never met Buffy.

The one thing I ever hated about myself was the fact of being cursed by the gypsies and I could never have a true moment of happiness without turning into a cruel, wicked monster, whose intention was to kill and only kill. Angelus, I was a mere demon who preyed on the innocent just for cheap, lousy thrills. He destroyed everything in his path. Angelus and Angel are one in the same, I have to deal with that realization. A fact that will stay forever embedded in my mind.

Now, in Los Angeles, the ‘City of Angels’, I roam the streets, helping others who are alone or too afraid of helping themselves. It’s my only way of ever finding peace with myself. But my thoughts always travel back to Buffy; how could I ever learn to love such a creature. I would walk through fire and brimstone for her. Hell, I would spend all my years in the fiery pits of hell, just to keep her safe. All I wanted was Buffy and I to live a happy, normal life, but she being the Slayer, obligated to kill all demons, including myself. The four or five years, I have known Buffy, I could never think ill of her. I could still feel her arms around me, as we kissed under the moonlight. But it was bound to end, because of something evil in the air.

I can never take back all the evil that I bestowed upon others, but I can try to turn my ability to help. I owe that much to Buffy. Sometimes it takes someone you love to see the good that you possess.

My dead heart beats for those who need my help. With the love that I have received from her, my Buffy, I can love others too.

Besides, I owe her that much.


	2. Rememberance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel remembers what it was like to make love to Buffy for the first time.

Journal,

Sept. 8, 1999

I know it has been seven days, since I last written in the journal, but I just decided to write about something that I could only write about. It’s dark outside and I should be helping Cordelia downstairs with some new crisis she has, but I wanted to be alone for a while.

My attention draws me back to a time, when I could actually say I was happy. Memories cloud my mind and I don’t know why. I guess it’s happening because of Buffy and I’s third anniversary. I recall the ambush we suffered at the hands of Spike and Drusilla. Buffy was knocked into the water at the docks and I dove in to save her. The dark depths seemed to be dragging me further down, but I found Buffy and brought her back to the surface.

I was angry, first they tried to kill Buffy with a severed arm for her 17th birthday, and then they tried to drown her. I was pissed off. I wanted nothing more than to torture Drusilla and Spike for their trifling ways. I tried not to show my anger to Buffy, fearing that she would be scared of me. It would be hell to pay for what they have done!

We walked under the streets hoping that none of Spike’s crew would follow us. The tunnel back to my place seemed to go on for hours and hours. It was dark and cold, and Buffy was shivering. I told her that everything would be all right and not to worry. But, Buffy had to worry. I don’t remember exactly what happened after that but I know we sat on the bed talking. I tried telling her that we shouldn’t go any further with…I made a mistake that I would regret for the rest of my undead life.

I remember taking off her wet clothes and sprawling them out all over the floor. It was the first time for her, maybe even for me. I kissed her softly on the lips, she took mine, almost devouring them. I didn’t want to stop then. My hands roamed places on Buffy’s body, I only wished to touch in my dreams. Her heart raced, but it was fluttering like a drum.

She lay back on my bed, anticipating my every move. I can see the passion burning deep in her eyes, as I entered her body for the first and last time. I hear Buffy shout out my name. I lay there, beside her and drifted off to sleep. I dreamt about my lover, how she felt in my arms as I felt her heart beating strongly against me. I remember everything about her and still I feel so unfulfilled.

I don’t know if it is because I long for Buffy deep inside or I try to reflect on the past. All I know is that whatever it may be she’ll always give me something to remember…her.


End file.
